Dear dear Molly,
It has been five days since you left. There are no words to describe how sad I am or how much I miss you. It is so quiet in this house. I keep waiting for you to skid around the corner with a toy in your mouth.
I know that life is not fair and sometimes it does not make sense. I am thankful that I was home with you on your last day. I am thankful for the very sweet moments that we shared that morning. I am thankful that I was there because I know that you did not have to suffer.
I am also angry. Sweet Molly, you were far too young to die. Two and a half years? I am not angry with you, puppy. I am angry that I thought I could protect you and love you and see you through a long, happy, healthy life. I am angry that there are people who neglect their loyal and innocent animals. They should be the ones dropping dead. I am angry that there were no symptoms indicating that there may be something wrong and that this happened so suddenly that there was just nothing I could do.
I am tired. I can't sleep at night because you are not sprawled out at the end of the bed, keeping my legs warm, resting your head on my feet. I can't sleep even though I am exhausted. The first two days, I cried and I cried. Rain poured from the skies on Tuesday and Wednesday. I worked on photo albums and made an amazing book of your life. I smiled thinking of all of the wonderful times that we shared, but I can't help but feel cheated. We should have had more. The sun returned on Thursday and I couldn't help but think that it would have been a nice day to go back to the dog park. Yesterday, I picked up your ashes from the vet's office. I started to cry again as I drove to the vet. It's the first time I drove to the vet without you. I came home and placed your ashes on the bookshelf, next to a beautiful picture of you. Matt and I are going to plant a cherry blossom tree for you when we buy a home. Whenever it blooms, we will remember the trip we took two weeks ago and all of the beautiful photos that we took of you that day. This morning, I washed some of your toys and donated them to the SPCA. I kept our stuffed moon. I can promise you that no other dog will ever get it's paws on our special toy.
You are so terribly missed. Not just by me! Of course, your dad misses you. We can't stand the stillness around here. My mom is a mess, Molly! You touched her heart more than I ever realized. She was never a "dog person" but she got to know you and loved you so very much. My dad just told you last Friday, when he stopped by to visit, that he loved you. You jumped for joy when you saw him walking towards the house and I know that he was just beaming because you showed that you loved him just as much as he loved you.
I have received so many phone calls and emails and messages and gifts from people who know how hard this has been. Molly, this is because everyone knew that you were the light of my life. You brought me joy during the darkest days of my depression. You were just a baby when we started to care for Matt's grandmother. You needed us to take care of you. While grandma's life was ending, yours was just beginning. You gave us a reason to go outside and take a walk. You gave us a reason to smile and laugh with your funny puppy ways. You gave me a reason to go on. I know that I wouldn't have made it out of that house without you.
Matt and I have been talking a lot about what we need to do. We are remembering when we first got married. We did so much more together. We went on gym dates and cared about being healthy. You got us through the whole Grandma ordeal, but Matt and I never really went back to the way things were. We have decided that now is the time to focus on our relationship and on our health. Life is too precious and we want to embrace every second we have. Molly, you gave us all of your heart every day for 2 1/2 years and we are both going to use your life as a lesson.
I am no longer going to think about the things that I would do, "if only I won the lottery" or "if only (insert whatever)". I am going to live the life of my dreams. I have a lot of plans and I am going to make them happen.
You were a joy in the most depressing house in the world. You were never shy to show your love. Even though your life was far too short, I know that you had two and a half VERY FULL years! What an amazing creature you were! Matt and I taught you to sit. You taught us to live.
I miss you, puppy-pie. I miss you so much that I can't stand it. But I believe that you were here for a reason. Maybe there is a reason why you had to leave so soon. You will live in my heart forever, good girl.
