I hate Perez Hilton.

Perez Hilton is a douche. I had the pleasure of reading that he got the smackdown from Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas last night.

Apparently, they were arguing over something that I don't care about (The Black Eyed Peas) and then they said things to each other that I don't care about, (about Fergie?) and then eventually Perez called Will.I.Am a fag. And Will.I.Am responded with his fist.

First of all, isn't it counter-productive to slam the former Ms. USA for not embracing gay rights, and then turn around and call someone a FAG when fighting with them?

Secondly, he seriously TWEETED for his fans to call the police?

I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.

I won't be talking about this any further. It is in the hands of the authorities.

http://twitter.com/PEREZHILTON

And then he proceeds to continue talking about it further. (To be fair, he's responding to tweets from other people, but he should probably actually stop talking about it.)

Now, he saying things like "Violence is NEVER called for!" and of course, I agree. But seriously, my typically bleeding heart is kind of warm and fuzzy at the thought of someone finally giving him a good ass-kicking.

I stopped reading his site because I was fed up with his mean-spirited "gossip". I mean, what is the point of calling Adam Sandler's BABY fat and ugly? Not only is that mean and obnoxious, but it's not even celebrity news?

And then to refer to Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana or whatever the hell her name is, as "Slutty" I don't know or care what the girl does, but it's just irresponsible and ugly to write that about an underage star, especially when it is primarily little girls who look up to her. (That is to say that I don't necessarily think that it's Miley Cyrus' responsibility to be a role model, but is there any good reason for a man in his 30's to say that about a 15 or 16 year old girl?)

I know it is his website. Just as I can write whatever I want on my little piece of internet real estate, he can state his opinion on his... but when he has nothing but hate to spew, I'm just not interested in reading it. There are plenty of other websites out there that can satisfy my gossip cravings without leaving an incredibly bitter taste in my mouth.

While violence is certainly never okay, I think that sometimes karma kicks a little ass.

A Wicked Weekend with Sex (and the city)

I will never tire of New York City. It is a new experience everytime I go. There is always something new to do, see, taste. There is always a crazy outfit to ogle or crazy person to possibly fear. It can be "beautifully tragic" or "tragically beautiful." (That would be a Wicked reference.)

My friend Angie and I have decided to stop buying each other gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and instead, celebrate our friendship by doing something together. We have gone to Avenue Q and Movin' Out at the theater instead of gifting something that the other will likely exchange. To celebrate turning 30, we went to Las Vegas. This year, we planned a trip to see Wicked in New York.

We booked the tickets well in advance, but we procrastinated on booking the hotel. We were looking at a room at the W, but the last room was booked just as we were entering a credit card number. Not wanting to stay in a dump, and having very few options, we chose a room at the Waldorf-Astoria. The rate wasn't so bad and the hotel was close enough to walk to the theater but far enough from the Times Square madness.

While Angie and I were in the planning stages of our NYC weekend, my friend Jen went to New York to see the Today Show. I can't believe that this topic is making into my blog again, but yes, I'm about to talk about the New Kids on the Block. She went to the Today Show last month to see the reunited boy band kick off their summer tour with a Friday morning concert. She camped out with a few friends and before they went on stage, they gave a bunch of fans tickets to their show in Jones Beach, NY. Jen texted me to say that she scored tickets and she invited me to come along! The show is the night before Wicked. It's meant to be.

So, Friday morning, I took the train with Jen from Baltimore to New York. As soon as we got off of the train, I had my first random celebrity sighting. Rachel Dratch, also known as Debbie Downer from Saturday Night Live, was standing in Penn Station, waiting for her train. We talked to her for a few minutes. She was very friendly but there was no reason for any of us to stand there and chat for more than a few minutes.



Jen's friend Michelle lives in New York and booked our hotel room in her own name, so we couldn't check in until she was off of work. We found our hotel, dropped off our bags, and walked around the corner to grab some lunch.

Rue 57 is where I ordered my first and last healthy meal of the weekend. We had a cute table outside where we had fun people-watching. I had a delicious chopped chicken salade with fresh chicken, bibb lettuce, avocado, cucumber, tomatoes, egg, onions, haricot vert and honey dijon vinaigrette. The food was a little on the pricy side, (which was the only reason we did not opt for sushi, as it was about $5 per piece, while we are used to paying about that much for a roll), but it was very good and the service was excellent. We each enjoyed a couple of glasses of pinot grigio until Michelle arrived.

We checked into our hotel and I found the hotel that I would like to stay in every time I visit New York! Le Parker Meridien was so beautiful and modern and swank! Since Michelle and Jen were letting me crash in the hotel, I told them I would just sleep on the couch and they could share the bed... but I did sample the mattress and it was incredible.

How you say "Do Not Disturb" in Parker Meridienese:



Extreme close-up of me and Jen in the hotel:


Once we were in the hotel, we started to get ready for the show. We took a train from Penn Station to Freeport, New York and then hopped in a taxi towards Nikon Theater in Jones Beach. THERE IS NO ALCOHOL ON THE PREMISES! I have never heard of a concert where you can't buy a drink! WTFF?

Jen found some of her friends that she has met in her New Kids related travels. A couple that she knows offers to give us a ride back to our hotel after the show so that we don't have to worry about taking another hour-long train ride.

The show was really fun and a lot different from the first leg of their tour. Even though we weren't as close to the stage as we were the last time, we had decent seats which I really appreciated when cute Joe McIntyre popped up in our section for a couple of songs. His solo was adorable. For those who remember the first album, Joe, wearing an aqua Members Only jacket and some crazy-ass pants, sang the song Popsicle. Very cute and not at all weird. These boys are supposed to make me feel like I'm 12. Popsicle does exactly that.

After the show, we hopped in Jen's friend's car to head back to the city. Instead of doing that, we followed a bus to a diner about a half an hour from the venue. We ended up eating breakfast with (or at least near) Donnie Wahlberg, Jon Knight, and a bunch of people from their band/crew. Donnie walked over to say hello to some fans while Jon raced out of the diner and back to the bus for safety. (He is still very obviously uncomfortable with the whole fame thing.)

We piled in the car and ended up back at Le Parker Meridien at around 430 in the morning. Five hours later, I woke up, showered, packed my bags and headed to The Waldorf-Astoria. Angie had arrived in the city! Despite a pathetic night's sleep, I was wired and ready for our day.

The Waldorf-Astoria is definitely a nice hotel, but a bit dated. There was a showcase of photos of famous people who had stayed at the hotel, but most of them were glamorous stars of the sixties. I liked that it was on the East Side of Midtown and not in the heart of Times Square. I did not like the old-society-lady drapes or the fact that I found out that the lobby has a dress code. (oops!, as I stroll through in my capri cargo pants.)

Angie and I checked our bags at the hotel and walked towards the Gershwin Theater. We stopped for lunch, (wine, a house salad and french fries), at a nearby pub. Food was certainly not the highlight of our trip, but we learned about a lot of fun restaurants to try the next time we visit.

Wicked was amazing. The story, the actors, and the overall production exceeded all of my expectations. I knew it was going to be good, but it was so much better than the book. In fact, I haven't finished the book because it was getting so depressing, but now I know that it will be worth it to get through the seemingly depressing chapters. Elphaba is such a great character! I cannot wait to have a kid who is old enough to take to this show. I don't usually consider seeing an expensive Broadway show more than once, but I would definitely see Wicked again.

www.gershwintheatre.com



When the show was over, we stepped outside to a gray and rainy city. We walked back to the hotel to check in and put our things away and then immediately headed back out for some exploring. First, we decided that we needed some sustenance for all of the walking we were doing around the city. Remembering my last visit to the city and the amazing cupcakes at Crumbs, we stopped by the Bryant Park location and grabbed two cupcakes to share. We sat at a table with an umbrella in Bryant Park and had our usual dessert orgasms. ("Oh my GOD that is the most amazing cupcake EVER!") Even though it was raining, it was a nice atmosphere. We were sitting at the park made famous by Fashion Week, eating decadent cupcakes that could ruin a model's career. There were couples canoodling, a woman feeding treats to her bouncy little dog, and at a table behind us, a woman crying hysterically. I wondered if she came to a special spot with a newly exed-boyfriend while Angie hypothesized that she was just a nut. When we couldn't decide, we just traded cupcakes and continued our Bryant Park Binge.

After securing the need for insulin injections, we decided to walk off the brick of sugar sitting in our stomachs. A friend had suggested going to a bar called Joshua Tree. We found that the neighborhood, either Hell's Kitchen or Murray Hill, depending on who we were asking, was a really cool little area. Tons of cute bars and restaurants. I have been to New York quite a few times and it always makes me want to die when the people I am with want to go to some chain restaurant that we can go to any day of the week when we are not on vacation. If I am in some isolated town in Kentucky, I will settle for Applebee's, but there is no excuse for that shit when surrounded by countless restaurants.

Having said all of that, we did not plan ahead with reservations. We were going to go to Joshua Tree for a drink or two, but ended up having dinner there - if you call chicken nachos and wine, dinner. Angie and I do. The bar was recommended to me because it is known for playing tons of 80's music. This can get old for some people, but I am an 80's fanatic so it was right up my alley. Whenever I would start to fade, some fun song would come on and I (pretended like I) was ready for another glass of wine. Angie and I enjoyed our thoroughly caloric meal, while catching up and reminiscing. We've had a lot of fun conversations over the years, usually splitting some calorie-bomb while talking about sex, drugs, and boys (15 years ago), or husbands, babies, and work (now.)

If you are starting to fade now from reading this, I will provide you with a gem from the 80's and you can see if it helps.



We know we are boring and old. We had delusions of grandeur. We really believed that maybe we would hang out all night. We had to go back to the hotel. We walked back to the hotel and were both asleep within a half hour. I am not going to disclose what time this occurred, but would like to remind the world that I was STILL UP, pretending to party with the New Kids on the Block at 4 am that morning, thankyouverymuch.



On Sunday morning, we went on a very fun Sex and the City tour! We met a tour guide on Madison Avenue at 10 o'clock in the morning. There were a lot of fun groups of women, and shockingly, only a couple of men. We hopped on a bus and listened to a tour guide as she showed us a lot of hot spots that were featured on the show and in the film. It was a lot of fun to see clips of the show after driving past a location. For example, we drove past the New York Public Library, and then the guide would play the scenes on the bus telly where Carrie is stood up at the altar in the library, then moments later, the spot where Carrie bats Big's head with her bouquet.



The bus dropped us off at a few fun spots, giving us a chance to walk around and explore. We stopped at The Pleasure Chest, a little sex-toy shop where Charlotte befriends "The Rabbit". We were given discounts at this store but Angie and I did not think it would be practical to carry a liberator sex ramp through the streets of Manhattan. We stopped at Magnolia Bakery, a cupcake shop that became very trendy after a small scene in the show where Carrie and Miranda enjoy a cupcake on a bench outside of the bakery. We had about 15 minutes in this area to walk around and I saw the most adorable little townhomes. Later, I would see an advertisement in a magazine for a townhome on one of the streets that we visited, and would find that the darling and quaint little home was $17.5 million. The tour guide arranged a cupcake party and provided all of the ladies (and the two men) with a delicious cupcake. While we compared reviews on Magnolia vs. Crumbs, we noticed that one of the women on the tour was reaching around in her Pleasure Chest bag. In the middle of this park, filled with children and people trying to eat, the woman pulls out some red, rubber sex device. Really? She couldn't wait to get home? Or at least BACK ON THE BUS?!



We stopped in Buddakan which is the restaurant where Carrie and Big host their rehearsal dinner. The restaurant was huge, modern, and elegant. At the end of the tour, we went to a bar called O'Neal's which was used on the show as Steve and Aidan's bar, Scout. Everyone enjoyed their cosmopolitans before heading back to the bus.





I am so happy that Angie and I did the tour because it gave us a chance to see a lot of the cool neighborhoods that we haven't really discovered on our own. It was also a lot of fun to revisit a lot of fun moments from the show. We could see the umbrella's from the rooftop pool at the Soho club where Samantha pretended to be Anna Bronstein, the chapel where Samantha tries to corrupt Friar F*ck, the meatpacking district, The Village, Charlotte's apartment, and tons of restaurants that were trendy and recognizable from the show. We learned some fun trivia to include the casting of James Wilkie Broderick as Aidan's son, and the fact that Samantha had pursued 15 people with whom she did not ultimately sleep with. The tour guide also showed us the street that Sarah Jessica Parker lives on - which I'm sure SJP appreciates.

The Village is known for being a place where a lot of celebrities live or hang out. Knowing that SJP and Tom Brady and Gisele and Kate Hudson and so many others could potentially walk around the corner at any moment, I was keeping my eyes peeled for a good celebrity sighting. In the middle of the village, a bearded man rushes past us on an otherwise calm and empty street. Angie and I turn around the corner before looking at each other and asking in unison, "Was that Ryan Gosling?!?!" We were both CERTAIN that it was him. Unfortunately, he seemed to be some dude who just looked an awful lot like Ryan Gosling, as we discovered on second glance when he came running back towards the moving truck that he was packing. I thought about fibbing and just leaving out the part where I find out it wasn't Ryan Gosling, but I'm sure some smart ass out there knows exactly where he is filming a movie.

After the tour, Angie and I needed to head back to Penn Station and get our old asses home. I had such a great time with Jen on Friday and with Angie on Saturday and Sunday. Gifts are wonderful - I'm not gonna lie! But, doing something with your friends is so much better than a sweater from Ann Taylor. We are already thinking about next year's getaway and I think the West beckons.

am apparently seven years old

Who gets an ear infection at the age of 31? ME! I am so disappointed because I am supposed to go see Jenny Lewis at the 9:30 Club in DC tomorrow night. This was going to kick off a kick ass weekend... now? I must stay at home and rest because my ears are seven and infected and while I'm bitching, my face is 15 and pimpled.

I admit, I am whining but life is so unfairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, to continue with the rants of my last post, I would like to add to my list of disgruntlements:

1. ear infections - my God the pain! I definitely feel bad for the little kiddos who get these all of the time! I don't remember having one ever, though I'm sure I did as a child, but it's quite the bitch to get one right now.

2. Jenny Lewis and other bands: I realize that this region is considered the "DC/Baltimore" area; however, it is really not convenient for me to skip off to the Capital city just because you are too cool to book shows in Baltimore. I don't WANT to give away my tickets to Jenny's show, but I also do not want them to go to waste. And since my photo ID and credit card are required for pick up and I am not driving all the way down there to give the tickets away, two tickets and fifty of my hard-earned (or mildly-earned) dollars are going to waste.

I am going to stop whining now and focus on a few positives:

1. Antibiotics. Even though some consider them to be evil pills of perpetual illness, I need this pain to end.

2. Trip to New York! I am going to stay in two fabulous hotels, see Wicked on Broadway, and hang out with my long-lost pal, Angie.

3. ... (crickets) ...

That's all I've got right now.