Renter's Remorse?

I'm 32 years old and my husband and I rent. There. I said it. Apparently, people have an opinion about this fact. We have been asked why we haven't purchased a home yet. Some friends and some complete strangers insist that it is very important that we buy a house. We should be building equity! We are just throwing our money away by renting. People assume that my husband and I are irresponsible with our money because we have not purchased a home. 

Meanwhile, we know people who purchased beautiful homes with interest-only mortgages. They fell upon hard times and/or their mortgages were no longer affordable after the five year grace-period in which they expected their incomes to rise. Some friends purchased homes right before the housing market took a turn for the worst, and now owe more than their houses are worth. Others have expressed a condescending tone regarding the fact that we do not own our home; even though they did not necessarily "work hard" for their homes. And then, there are those who DID work hard to save for their home, but still do not grasp that our finances and homeowner status, are frankly, none of their damn business.

A few fun facts: 

*Matt and I are very comfortable in the 2 bedroom, single family home that we are renting. 

*We have never missed a payment on our rent. 

*While we are not building equity, we are not losing equity, either. 

*We have a large, fenced-in yard for our dog to run around outside. We would not be able to afford a home with the amount of land that we have now. 

*Our gas and electric bills are usually low because our home is not larger than we need it to be. I enjoy living modestly and within our means. 

*For someone with great wanderlust, it is comforting to know that we are not stuck in this area. While I'm beginning to accept that I don't really want to move away from our aging parents (prospective future babysitters), I still dream of fleeing Maryland suburbia in favor of a nice, progressive and diverse city. If the right job offer presented itself, we would have nothing to hold us back.

*We do not feel as though we are missing out on things like Community Associations having a say on whether we paint our front door red. My landlady probably wouldn't like it if I painted the front door red either, but hey, it's her door. If I own it, I want to do what I want with it. 

*We're not jealous when we hear our friends complain about property taxes or maintenance. 

Now, one day, we will probably buy a house. I will be happy when I get to plan my landscaping and put my kitchen designing experience to good use in my own home. We will own a home when we can agree on a place where we wouldn't mind living in the event that the housing market never recovers. It probably will, but it might not happen for a very, very long time. Not that this is anyone's business, but, we would like to put a large enough down payment to keep our mortgage (including property taxes, emergency funds, homeowners insurance, etc.) manageable, while still able to put money into savings and live comfortable lives. Could we go out and buy a house tomorrow? Sure we could, but I am not going to settle when it comes to a six digit purchase. 

I am left to wonder why others feel the right to have an opinion about our financial situation and whether or not we are renting or paying a mortgage. I don't think that owning a home will complete us as individuals, as a couple, or as a family. A house is just another thing, another acquisition. I hate the idea that we all have the same uninspired, suburban "American Dream." It is interesting to me that people feel so concerned for us. We're fine. Honestly. Just as it was our personal decision to get married, it is up to us to decide when we are ready for a thirty year commitment to a house. 

To All The Boys I've Loved Before - River Phoenix

A few months ago, I was having a tweetversation about childhood crushes. I thought about blogging a singular post showing every boy that graced my walls at some point in my life, but realized quickly that it would be an impossibly long, possibly never-ending post. Instead, I'd like to write the occasional love letter to all the boys I've loved before. (Thanks for the idea, Willie Nelson.) 


The other night, a Facebook friend posted a status involving Bobby Brown. I have this bad and pricy habit called iTunes in which I purchase any song with any nostalgic value; even if the song is utter crap. So after purchasing "Don't Be Cruel" and "It's My Perogative", I was reminded that there is some New Edition that I do not own. This led to Boyz II Men which led to LL Cool J. An hour into this downloading spree, I am fully connected to my adolescent self.  Somehow, I was reminded of the country music that I was listening to at the same time. I came across Patty Loveless' "Blame It On Your Heart" which took me back to a movie that I have not seen or thought about in years. 

Blessed, Lucky, or Grateful? How to be appreciative without sounding like a jerk.

Lately, the word blessed has been overused. I am writing this well aware that there are people in my life who use this word and probably think I am just being cranky... So, before I begin,  this post is not coming from jealousy and I am not being a cynic. I am happy that others feel as though they are blessed, but I am focused on those who do not feel so lucky. Wait. Is there a difference between being blessed and being lucky?

The definition of "blessed":
a) held in reverence or honored in worship
b) of or enjoying the bliss of heaven
c) bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune
(Merriam Webster)

The definition of lucky:
a) having good luck
b) happening by chance
c) producing or resulting in good by chance
d) seeming to bring good luck

When a friend announces that she is "so blessed to have a wonderful husband (and/or) beautiful children (and/or) a much-needed vacation," this seems innocuous enough. Relationships are rewarding and we all need reprieve from the stress and monotony of our jobs... but are we blessed to have such opportunity?

The difference between being blessed and lucky seems to be the element of divinity. I felt lucky when I went to a U2 concert and discovered that the seats that my friend and I scored were in the coveted inner-circle near the stage. I'm pretty sure God has more important things to worry about than blessing me with seats that allow me to have eye contact with Adam Clayton. I think that being blessed would involve some sort of miracle. The little boy who survived last week's Libyan plane crash comes to mind. Your trip to Cancun does not.

It bugs me to hear people say that they are "blessed" so often because of the implication that they are more deserving than others. Maybe they are living decent lives, doing good deeds, teaching their children to be kind and generous, but so are plenty of less fortunate people. When someone tells me that they are so blessed, I wonder if they are trying to convince me or themselves? Happiness is not a permanent state so one should cherish joyful moments, with modesty. Do you deserve to be happy? Possibly. Will you be happy forever if you keep doing what you're doing? Not likely. Instead of sounding pious and entitled with your blessings, express gratitude for things that you know you cannot take for granted.

Grateful:  Appreciative of benefits received.

I am grateful that I am married to a man who makes me laugh and cleans our toilet.
I am grateful that I have a joyful dog who reminds me to slow down and have fun.
I am grateful for my family, job, friends, vacation time, the internet, books, movies, music, and nature.

I am grateful because I know that all of these things can be taken away at a moment's notice.

Things I learned on the Internet today.

1. Dogs can donate blood and save lives!
http://materialdog.blogspot.com/2010/05/make-your-dog-hero.html

2. Your kid wants this hoodie.
http://www.wecovet.com/wecovet/2010/05/we-covet-a-raptor-hoodie.html

3. There is a blog dedicated to veganizing Betty Crocker recipes ~ Julie & Julia style!
http://www.meettheshannons.net/

4. Even though I feel helpless about the oil spill in Louisiana, there is actually a lot that I can do.
http://www.usnews.com/money/blogs/fresh-greens/2010/05/03/10-things-you-can-do-to-help-the-gulf-coast-clean-the-oil-spill.html
Thanks to these suggestions, I have emailed my salon and dog groomer to request that they donate hair and fur clippings to Matter of Trust, and I made a monetary donation to the National Wildlife Federation. 

Long Live Buffy.

I came across this video of Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) vs. Edward (Cullen) tonight and had to share. A friend of mine was worried when her daughter started to read the Twilight series. In addition to some of the mature themes (her daughter is ten), my friend worried that her impressionable young daughter would look up to Bella Swan. Between Bella's infatuation with Edward, her desire to die for him, and her lack of interest in anything but her vampire/werewolf love triangle, my friend does not feel that Bella is the ideal role model. To any mother who has the same concern, maybe it's time to introduce your daughters to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.



I think Buffy could take Edward Cullen... I love that by changing the reaction of the girl that he is after, (disgusted Buffy instead of smitten Bella), Edward's creepiness is illuminated.

I know it seems a little backwards to advocate watching television to counteract the harmful effects of the books a kid is reading.... (Maybe this is another reason I should not have kids?!) Maybe I'm channeling my days as an American Studies major in college, but I do believe that there is educational value in all forms of media, including television about teenaged vampire slayers. When these girls are inevitably reading about and possibly looking up to a character like Bella Swan, it's nice to know that Buffy is out there on DVD for a crash course on being a bad-ass teenage girl.